Subject:
Self-Understanding
Self-Discovery, Self-Acceptance, and Self-Mastery
are necessary to grow in psycho-affective maturity
and to become a more authentic gift to others.
-Pope Francis, paraphrase (May 2024 Intentions)
“May we see ourselves clearly
with the eyes of understanding and love.”
-Thich Nhat Hanh, paraphrase (in Contemplative Prayer, Merton)
Why Self-Understanding?
Self-understanding affords greater love! If one wants to become a great lover, self-understanding will be crucial for may things, including…
1) Learning how to stop hurting people unintentionally (due to our own lack of awareness of our selfish desires, triggers, and character flaws).
2) Obtaining new skills and essential virtues to serve and show love to others (for self-understanding is a first-step towards honestly seeing where we need to grow, as well as the strengths we have to offer).
3) Receiving better, so we have more to give (for the better we know ourselves and how we receive love and spiritual food, the more we are able to act as a conduit of this love ourselves and feed others).
4) Structuring our life more effectively, so we maximize what we have to give (for if we are drained, stressed, unstable, and suffering in life, it becomes more difficult to act out of love, and self-understanding helps us to see all sorts of problems in our life that we can fix, and opportunities for optimizing our time and energy).
5) Becoming master of ourself, so that we can give ourselves away (for the more parts of ourself we discover, the more parts we can love, the more parts we can integrate, the more parts we can “own,” and the more parts we can give away to others… for love is a gift-of-self, and we cannot give away what we do not possess).
How to Self-Understand?
One aspect of self-understanding is through the head — through our thinking. We need terminology, categorization, and models to better understand ourselves. Good models can help us to accept who we are, while also showing us ways in which we can grow!
Head:
Another aspect of self-understanding is through the heart — through our emotions. We must have the desire — a source of motivation — a feeling of calling — to do self-reflection and shadow work, which will be quite uncomfortable! Our hearts must find encouragement and consolation in this journey.
Heart:
A third aspect of self-understanding is through the body — through our actions. We must develop practices and habits and a lifestyle which conditions our head and heart towards new ways of seeing & experiencing ourself. An ecology of practices is required to overcome self-deception and see ourselves clearly.
Body:
Following is a spread of resources, organized into Models (to engage the Head) and Practices (to engage the Body). The Heart must be engaged by your relationships, finding who and what encourages or inspires you to know yourself and become a more self-aware person!
Head:
Models:
Almost all of the things on this website can be used as tools for self-understanding! But in particular, the Enneagram content and Spiral content are designed for self-understanding.
Other models/frameworks I’ve found particularly helpful are:
Some other helpful (smaller) models include the life shapes🡥 of the:
Kairos Circle
🡥(Learning Circle)
Models/theories work in consort with Practices/instantiations which help us to live into and become what the models attempt to communicate in a systematized fashion. So consider all these models as tools to facilitate growth — not propositions to be validated.
Body:
Practices:
Practices for cultivating self-understanding include…
0) Grounding
Grounding practices are sort of a pre-requisite for benefitting from the other practices for self-understanding. They are about stabilizing oneself to avoid triggers, spiraling, and distractions. They include: box-breathing, 54321 technique, walking, tactile implements (like prayer beads), and crafting a safe/comfortable environment (a friendly or natural place, spiritual cleansing, fitting music, lighting incense/candle, a comforting beverage, a warm blanket, etc.).
1) Reflection
Reflection practices include: journaling, writing a summary of every year/season of one’s life, a daily Ignatian Examine🡥, spatially visualizing the timeline of your your day in front of you, and writing out a timeline of your life. These reflection practices help with memory and facilitate a sense of purpose through narrative construction. The very act of choosing what to remember is a way to orient ourselves towards our higher values.
2) Awareness
Awareness practices include: concentrative meditation (focus), mindfulness meditation (awareness of self and environment), lectio divina, visualization (like the Ignatian contemplation🡥 of scripture), body-scans, centering prayer, focusing on one’s breath, breath prayers, affirmations/mantras, a daily bible verse or quote, and setting up triggers in one’s life to remember particular things throughout the day. These awareness practices give “perspectival knowing” — new perspectives through which we see ourselves and the world.
3) Communal
Communal practices afford a kind of self-understanding that interpersonal practices (apart from community) do not, and interpersonal practices afford a kind of self-understanding that individual practices do not. We know ourselves in context of relationships. Our identity is bound-up with our belonging. This means any of the above practices, if practiced with others or in community, will open up new avenues for self-understanding.
Communal and interpersonal practices include communal singing, communal dancing, non-violent communication, dialogue, listening, empathy, mentorship, counseling, and therapy. I’ve also made a list of communal spiritual practices (Google Docs) (many of which can also be done solo).
4) Self-Expression
Finally, part of understanding yourself is expressing yourself. Being creative involves putting some of yourself into a medium… in some way becoming “one” with it — be that the medium of paint on canvas, or body on music, or shingle on roof. Going out and creating things — particularly things you personally can engage with over time.
Self-Expression practices include pottery, drawing, poetry, music, dancing, running, sports, weightlifting, yoga, designing your room, planning a trip, developing a schedule, and methodically compiling/researching.
If you’re looking to grow in self-understanding and avoid self-deception,
It is essential for you to develop your own set of practices,
drawing upon each of these categories!
I do 7 spiritual practices daily,
building in room within them to make adjustments for the season of life.
Just as we need physical rhythms for our survival,
we need spiritual rhythms for our survival!